Case 01: The Shopping Mission
by Solitary Shadow
Summary: In which the 'soon to be' Emperor Jillius buys a pint of milk. It's finished.
1. The Letter

**Disclaimer:** Jillius-san copyright to Namco.

**Author's Note:** This is part of the 'Character Randomninity' series I'm starting. Seeing as Jillius-san is so unloved, I thought I'd start with him first. Each story in the series will have around three to five chapters in total, and will involve Klonoa characters doing totally random things, as you will have figured out.

So we enter the realm of madness. Jeez.

* * *

The sun was shining. Rays of light poured through the luxurious four-panel windows, pooling on a soft, grand four-posrter bed. The winter breeze trickled in through the window (which was left open), wound itself around the legs of the expensive furniture, darting around the room, eventually tickling past a soft, furred cheek.

A young man with skin the colour of lavenders, aged no more than perhaps sixteen, stirred from his slumber. He rose immediately and opened the windows wider, letting more of the breeze enter. Normally it would bother everyone else. But not him. He was tall, thin and graceful, powerfully built. His features were sharp and fine like a knife; also hard-edged and made in Japan. He had intense, narrow, beautiful golden eyes that showed great confidence and complete control over himself and what he did. Or a permanent squint.

Outside, the church bells rang seven o'clock. He adjusted his dressing-gown (royal blue, which was fitting anyway, because that was what he was.) and headed out to face the new day.

And he tripped.

Cursing faintly, the young man got up and stumbled towards the nearest bell-pull, and tugged it three times.

An older man, overdressed in bright green robes, instantly opened the door and bowed.

"Bagoo." The young man stated quietly, almost in a monotone.

"I'll be taking breakfast in five minutes."

"Of course, my prince." Bagoo bowed again and stood tall.

"And please see to the floor."

He glanced at it, and nodded. "Did you sleep well, Prince Imperial?"

The prince gave no answer except for a death glare. Bagoo didn't flinch - he knew that the prince hated his title anyway.

"Ah," He suddenly said, remembering something. "There's a message for you. It arrived just this morning." He laid a silver tray bearing a letter on a bedside table, and left.

The young man decided to read it in the garden, and he picked it up. He stepped casually over the decomposing corpse of an assasin sprawled over the carpet ('I _knew_ that dream was a little _too_ real.' He thought) and out onto the patio. A curious turtle dove landed on his shoulder, and he took a handful of seeds out of the birdfeeder and watched as the hand-tamed bird pecked at them happily. He wandered through endless bushes and shrubs, all neatly trimmed, and through bunches of edelweiss flowers, studying each and every petal, scent, shape, texture, and colour in extreme detail.

Eventually he came to a clearing, the ground covered with snow but beautiful nonetheless. The clearing lead to the top of a cliff, where the wide, deep blue sea lay beneath. But he didn't fear the sea, or the rocks eroded away into sharp points, not at all.

The turtle dove flew away, to the safety of the flower garden instead of the wilderness of the cliff. He sat down on a weathered piece of marble, plucked out what seemed to be an unnaturally sharp letter-opener from his pocket, and opened the letter.

_'My darling Jillius,' _he read. He could have retched from the sickening tone of the letter, but was determined to read on. His thoughts drifted back into the thoughts of his destiny, the person he was supposed to be in just a couple of years. He thought about his father, the one who'd raised him successfully as the heir to the throne of this empire. Prince Jillius was soon to be an emperor.

_'As you may know, I'm out for matters of state. You are an honourable young man, I know, and even though I'm away, I'm sure that you will be perfectly fine. You must be tired from the long journey back from the town of Priamill...'_

"Not really, father." Jillius mutttered out loud. "I wouldn't be if you'd just let me drive."

_'... But alas, there is still one more thing for you to accomplish before you can earn your real rest, my son.'_ Jillius instantly sat up, serious and calm. It was a duty he had to perform here. A mission. A trial of his courage. He would not fail.

He clared his mind, steadied himself and read the order.

Silence reigned supreme, with only the waves below breaking it.

He read the letter again.

He turned the letter over. Blank.

He read the front page again, paying particular attention to the last few lines, wondering if it was a cruel kind of joke.

He took a deep breath, the ocean air cleansng his mind. Subconsciously, his hand clenched into fists, crumpling the letter.

"It's alright." He told himself. "It's okay, it's just a task. It's only one of the many things that need to be accomplished in order to become a true emperor." He was breathing a bit more heavily now, eyes closed. "The ability to survive the endless amounts of danger; the skilful and mastered ways to carry out my duties; this is my life. I am to be the seventh emperor of this empire. I shall carry out my duties without question, without fear, no matter what it will be."

Breathe in. Breathe out.

"No. Matter. What..."

But...

A statled group of seagulls erupted from the sea, and a flock of turtle dove from the garden, as the prince screamed: "DARN YOU TO _HELL_, FATHER!"


	2. Setting Off

**Disclaimer:** Jillius-san is copyrighted to Namco. Why can't they just hand him over to me? I'll make sure he's not forgotten. But no, Namco just chucked his character in the dark, lonely cellar where forgotten characters like Lephise, Balue and whatnot were chucked in also.

**Ahthor's Note:** Sorry for the delay. My mind just went blank for a while. I won't do that anymore, I promise.

So we go back into the milk journey.

* * *

"Was your breakfast satisfactory, Prince Imperial?"

"Don't call me that." The young man sighed, and put down his knife and fork, leaning back slightly. "Those chocolates carved into the shape of wolves were quite impressive. Could do with a little more fudge and caramel on the second one, and some more chocolate truffles. Other than that, no complaints."

"Thank you, my prince. My joy is unexpressable." Bagoo stated, his voice flat and deadpan as he removed the plates. Then he glanced briefly at the floor. "Shall I remove the _second_ corpse?" He asked gravely.

"Do so." Prince Jillius nodded. "And the third and the forth, if you please. I shall be leaving shortly-" He suddenly stopped, and without warning, he threw his knife and fork at the door, along with the soup spoon which he hadn't used. Glancing up, Bagoo also threw a pair of salad tongs at the door for good measure.

A scream and an unpleasant squelch sounded from the door, and then there was silence. Other than the cutlery darts match, the prince and the senior advisor/butler paid no more attention.

"As I was saying, I shall be leaving shortly." The prince finished, and stood up. Bagoo nodded and bowed low.

"Have a safe journey, my prince."

As soon as the door closed behind him, the prince got up and walked over to his wardrobe, and flung it open. Fifty-six different outfits greeted him, a wardrobe good enough to cover practically any situation he might find himself in.

"But _no_." He reached to the right and grabbed the fifty-seventh outfit, the purple-white velvet robes he was supposed to wear all the time as a sign of royalty. "For once I'd like to actually wear something_ different_. Especially that one. I mean, it was on sale and everything. Why doesn't anyone think that pink suits me? I'm sick of wearing purple all the time." He muttered, but wore the robes anyway.

Next, he carefully opened a small dresser next to the wardrobe, classy and black. Metal clinked, and light bounced off small, sharp objects within.

Three daggers, all sharpened nicely and polished, were whipped out and strapped to his waist, out of sight. Six sharp, silvery knives were plucked from a rack of 194 identical ones, examined one by one, and slotted into a belt which he lined around his cloak. Ten shurikens were also picked out, and carefully placed into more hidden pockets. Finally, the prince stuffed the letter from his father (which was terribly crumpled by now) into a small breast-pocket that was concealed cleverly in his robes.

"Alright." He looked at himself at a full-length mirror. "That's everything."

He walked out smartly and closed the door.

A fifth assasin, nailed to the door by a spoon, a fork, a knife and a pair of salad tongs, flopped off and crashed to the floor, lifeless.

* * *

Jillius-san has some serious enemies. What will happen when he goes out alone, I wonder...?

I mean, it's only two chapters and already five people are dead. Possibly more also perished in the prince and the butler's hands. The deadly duo. xD


	3. Getting the Milk Plus A Fight

**Disclaimer:** First chapter.

**Author's Note:** I've been rather inactive in the Klonoa section recently. I've been busy. Very busy. Involved in other fandoms and writing other stuff... Sorry about that - I'll try to update as fast as possible, but it ain't easy because I'm about to do my SATS exams soon and I have to study, pronto.

We go back into the kickass world where Jillius-san kicks serious arse. Mwahahahaha.

* * *

As he walked, the prince couldn't help but wonder why the heck his father wanted _that _for.

"And why is he sending me out? Why not one of the servants? Is he not aware that for every five steps I take, there is an assasin waiting to nail me?" He sighed, and picked out a shuriken, carelessly throwing it in the garbage dump nearby. A scream and a squelch sounded, but the prince took no notice and kept on walking. ""Does he even _know_ that assasins would come after me forever unless I hide away and make myself a hermit?"

A paper aeroplane flew by and struck him on the head.

"OW! Son of a-"

Another paper aeroplane whacked him. Cursing faintly, Prince Jillius picked up the two paper aeroplanes and unfolded them. The first one said:

_Of course I do know, my son. It's all training. It'll get worse when you actually get to sit on the throne and go out all the time. _

_P.S. Mind that the milk carton doesn't get squashed. I've just got the peanut butter sandwiches perfect, and if the milk comes in a flawed carton it will not do._

With a very scandilized expression on his face, he opened the second aeroplane.

_No such words shall be permitted in the palace, my son. Remember that you're the Prince Imperial. You've got to set the right example._

"What the hell..." Was the only thing he managed to say, and after he'd dumped all the pieces of paper in the garbage dump, he turned away to walk away again, to get as far away as possible.

Whack.

_Aren't you forgetting something, my dear prince? Even one missing from a rack of 300 will look ugly._

Jillius sighed and went to pick out the bloodstained shuriken out of the dead assasin's body. He grimaced as the blood dripped from it.

"Damn. Thanks a_ lot_, father."

Another whack.

_You are very welcome._

* * *

It had not been a good day for Balue.

No customers at all in his store, but that was expected; what the terrible thing was that he was forced to keep watch for a further three hours before he could lock up and clear off home.

It was a time of freedom, as people said. He could play music. He could dance if he wanted to, take up a hobby, pull wings off flies, whatever he wanted - but to be honest, a dark convenience store with all the lights out, no radio and just complete, utter silence really doesn't do much fo your imagination that much.

The bell on the door jangled, and the lights turned on as Balue blinked and whipped around.

It was a person; he looked young, dressed in flowing purple robes, very tall and willowy indeed. He was quite good-looking. Balue could not help but stare as this young man glided over to the fridge section and opened the door with a surprisingly delicate-looking hand, and checked some of the cartons for the expiry date/use-by date. Finally, he took out a carton of milk, and glided back over to the counter.

"How much?" He asked in a voice that Balue knew so well.

"Oh, Prince Jillius-" The young man met his eyes with a piercing gaze from his golden eyes, seemingly telling him to belt up. "-Uh- that will be one pound thirty-five pence, please-"

The door burst open once more, revealing yet another tall figure clad in purple, except this time long, shiny, red claws protuded from his sleeves, and his face was partly concealed by his hat.

"Well, Balue!" The figure sneered. "Looks like you've failed to pay us yet again this month. And we aren't going to put up with it again, are we, boys?" He cracked his knuckles and grinned.

"Janga..." Balue whimpered, shrinking. "Janga, do have mercy... It's not _my fault_..."

"Ah, I have no intention of that, Balue." Janga grinned yet wider and grasped Balue by the front of his shirt, his face close to the terrified shopkeeper's own. "You're overdue. It's payback time." Balue could smell the alchol in his breath. "I'm going to enjoy this."

"Pray, do leave him alone." Jillius interrupted quietly, who had been watching the whole scene play out in front of him without emotion. Janga glanced at the prince, and threw Balue to the floor, looking close into his face.

"Who are you, then?" He demanded rudely. "Keep out of this."

"Say, Janga." One of his minions piped up. "Just beat up this old man and leave, shall we?"

"Be quiet, Joka. Just keep hold of those Moos." Janga turned back to the prince. "Funny... you look a lot like the prince..."

What happened next was all a blur; Jillius jumped up onto the counter and quick as a flash, drew out two sharp knives, throwing them with deadly accuracy at two of the Moos behind Joka. The Moos shrieked and deflated, leaving shiny gold coins and blue dreamstones behind. Joka yelled in terror while Janga roared "You'll pay for this, smartguy!" in rage. Well, he didn't actually say smartguy. He said something worse, but this is for the kiddies as well... so...

He was cut off from saying any more by a swift kick to the face. Janga reeled back and fell on the floor, staring in disbelief. The prince's figure towered over him, Jillius himself unhurt.

"First of all, I look a lot like the prince because I _am_ the prince." He kicked Janga again. "Secondly, I'm used to being attacked every time, and I have had experience in fighting. Leave now and no one else gets hurt."

"To hell with your shit, _dammit!_"Janga snarled. Alright, let's forget about the kiddie ratings thing. "Get 'im!"

It was over in a minute or so. The five Moos were all deflated and dead, punctured by the deadly sharp knives, Joka was also injured violently with a dagger and a shuriken - "My air! My air's escaping!" He screamed - and Janga got a few slashes from a dagger.

Jillius and Balue were not hurt at all, and the former now looked down at the gang with an amused expression on his face.

"Now leave. Leave the dead here. Do not come here again."

"I'll kill you for this, _your highness_," Janga sneered mockingly. "You just wait!" With that, he barged past the shopkeeper, holding Joka under his arm. Jillius checked that they were really leaving, and then bent down to the floor, collecting all the dreamstones and the gold coins up. He also wiped the blood from the knives, daggers and shurikens, placing them back into his robes.

"I've got blood on my robes." He muttered. "That stain's going to last for a heckuva long time, dammit." He turned back to Balue, who looked amazed, and stared at him with his mouth hanging open.

"So how much do I owe you?" He asked, indifferent. "Ah, 1.35, wasn't it?" He put down the right amount, and then all the coins and the dreamstones on the counter, picking up nothing else but the milk.

"Oh, Your Highness... you do not need to-"

"Think of it as a gesture, sire." The prince smiled. "Do keep the change." With that, he walked out of the door, holding the milk, disappearing into the distance.

"Good man..." Balue murmured. "Very... merciful... good prince... _ohmahlord_-"

And then he fainted dead away.

* * *

Jillius-san kicks some corperate ass! He's got the milk. He has to get it back to the palace now.

And that ain't going to be prettyful.

Keep tuned! It's going to get a lot more exciting!


	4. FIGHT SCENE! FIGHT SCENE! FIGHT SCENE!

**Disclaimer:** Jillius belongs to Namco. Namco is dead. RIP.

**Author's Note: **Just a little note thingy with chapter 2. No, Jillius-san does not eat chocolate wolves with his knife and fork. That would be entirely too random. The chocolates were desserts, nothing more.

More asses are kicked. The bodycount is rising. Will Jillius-san ever make it...?

Thanks for the reviews, y'all.

**KloaTetero: **The official Empire of Dreams Japanese Strategy Guide states that Jillius-san is psychic. I figured that all the people of his blood are psychic, so Jillius-san's father is also psychic. Teehee. If he ever has children (which probably will never happen, because Namco killed him) his children will probably psychic, too.

* * *

Jillius almost screamed in frustration as he tugged at the knife. No use. The blade was stuck fast. The assasin had a really thick skull.

But Jillius loved that knife!

He called it Rodney.

He finally gave up trying to pull the knife out in a dignified fashion, and picked up the corpse by the knife stuck in it, held on fast to the handle, and kicked the corpse out of it. The decomposing assasin went sailing for five miles where it ended up on a garbage dump.

"There now, Rodney. I got you out." Jillius murmured as he wiped the knife clean and set off on his way again.

He was used to being ambushed, of course. Just five minutes ago he happened to pass by the group of ninjas posing as a clump of holly bushes. Before that, there was the group who had tried to run him over with the taxi. It was overturned and buring fiercely now. ('Goddamn ninja assasins," Jillius thought)

And then there had been the group disguised as a pack of circus clowns and a hedge. Finally, there was the kamikaze pilots swooping down on him, and had ended up in flames. Flames? Was that before or after he'd saved that orange tabby kitten from that building? After, certainly. He'd definitely had his purse with him when he'd got the kitten out and bought it some treats, and he didn't have it when he jammed the kitten and the treats into a kamikaze pilot's face. And that was certainly after he'd knocked out those perverted robbers on the streets, but not before he showed a crying lost child the proper way to pick up cat treats and skin an orange tabby kit.

Milk runs were so tiring.

"Damn those assasins," He muttered. "They... urgh! They just so-" He swore violently at that point, running along the pavement to escape a line of coffee mugs that the ninjas were throwing out of buildings.

He ran and ran and ran and ran and ran.

Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, they both- oh yes, they both- oh yes, they both reached for the gun, the gun, the gun, the gun, oh yes, they both reached for the gun, for the gun.

And then he stopped and tensed as another group of females appeared before him.

"This is where your journey ends, Prince Imperial," A young woman dressed in fine silk sneered. "They have sent out the best of the lot. You shall never get past us without a fight!"

"Yeah, they've all said that. I've heard that exactly two hundred and seventy-four times today." Jillius muttered.

The young woman's eyes glistened, and she was about to say something when another woman interrupted her.

"Look into my scary wide big bright eyes and say that, Prince." She challenged. "You can't, can you?"

"Shut up, Lephise! There's nothng scary about your freaky big blue-green orbs of doom!"

"You shut up, Musica! I've burned out people's eyeballs from the inside out with my own eyes, thank you!"

"Well, I've burst the eardrums of countless people with my soprano voice!"

"SHUT UP!" Jillius finally shouted. His eyes were wide and dillated, his expression twisted. All the assasins whimpered and clutched each other.

"He's gone crazy," Musica breathed.

"I know." Lephise replied, staring.

Jillius took this chance to run off around the corners.

"You'll never escape us, Prince!" Musica yelled.

"We two have been working together since we were born!" Lephise added.

"That is because-"

"We were actually born-"

"twins right from the start-"

"and have mastered the same techniques-"

"that our masters taught us!"

"Beware our duo!"

"Yeah, whatever." Jillius gasped, and stopped in an alleyway to catch his breath. No one was following him, and he could see the palace not far beyond. Great. Ten minutes and he'll be there. If there were no more ambushes, there was.

* * *

Jillius walked calmly through the alleyway, and came out onto the pavement. No more ambushes, he thought. That was perfect. He checked the milk carton for any damage. None whatsoever, no burns, slashes or anything like that. Brilliant.

"Boo."

Jillius screamed as the two assasins landed right on front of him.

"Thought you were safe? I don't think so." Lephise smiled.

"We are _invincible_, Prince Imperial! Now prepare to meet thy God!"

"What's with that english?" Jillius cried.

Musica gritted her teeth and lunged at him with a sharp knife. He knew that it would probably be poisoned, so he dodged, only to find that he was looking straight into the blade of yet another knife.

"Never underestimate our duo!"

Jillius did the only thing he could think of, and ran into a nearby department store, with the two assasins at his heel. He ran through all the stalls and the lines of clothes, bags, bracelets, rings, jewellry, MP3s and coffee mugs, still being followed. He tried to throw shurikens and knives once or twice over his shoulder, but found that the assasins were too quick.

"Darned... assasins..." He gasped. "_Damn_... ninjas..._ damn_... women assasins... and-_ urgh_! _Damn_ those peanut butter sandwiches!"

He jumped up onto a table with lots of little glass bottles. He picked up one at random, and panicking, dashed the glass open with his shuriken and threw the contents on the two women's faces, wishing that it was something toxic.

A famillar scent wafted from the remains of the bottle.

Lavender perfume.

"_Damn_!" He swore, and threw the remains away, to see that the two assasins were standing with an expression of shock and surprise on their faces. Lephise lifted a hand up to her face in numb shock, and touched the wet liquid.

"Lavender... perfume." She whispered.

"How did he know... our only weaknesses...?" Musica gasped. But then, she looked up at Jillius with a sneer.

"Nice move, Prince Imperial. But remember-"

"There are more of us behind-" Lephise continued.

"Our duo, so-"

"You shall be eradicated before-"

The two assasins fell to the floor, motionless.

Jillius, still stunned, went over to them and kicked them lightly with his shoes. No response. He tried taking their pulses. Nada.

"They're dead...?" He murmured, confused. "But how... why?"

"Think, Jillius. What did you do to them?" His inner logic replied.

"I threw lavender perfume at them?"

"Exactly. So what is the only reason people have a violent reaction or die when they come in contact with a substance?"

Jillius thought hard.

"... Allergic...?"

"That's right, baby." His inner logic concluded.

"But... but that's..." Jillius stammered. "That's just so goddamn **_stupid_!**" He cried.

"Well done, Jillius," His inner logic said sarcastically. "Thanks for wasting the last ten seconds of our lives on that one conclusion."

"What-"

Cold.

Flash.

Glass.

Paper.

Wood.

Perfume.

Jillius blacked out.

* * *

(sniggers)

About the only thing I can say about this chapter is "WTF?"


	5. OMG TWIST XD

**Disclaimer:** First chapter.

**Author's Note:** Inspiration for this came back today. Only one more chapter to go, folks!

* * *

"My head..."

Jillius woke up and blinked, sitting up slowly. "I'm not dead...? What the heck is..." He looked at the store clock.

Six thirty-five.

"I was passed out for ten minutes?" Jillius shot up and jumped over the bodies, shaking his head. "I gotta get home," He muttered. "Too much insanity here... gotta get home..."

* * *

The palace was just a few more minutes away, and the prince was immensely glad for that.

"Everything's bloody few minutes away," He muttered darkly. "It's just how you get there that changes the whole thing."

"That's the spirit, my lad." A voice hissed.

"Huh? Who the heck are-" Jillius was cut short as a form suddenly materialized in front of him. The form looked vaguely like him, but other than that, they were totally different. "What do you want?"

"Your agreement, my lad." The form said calmly.

"What agreement? Are you crazy? What the heck's your name anyway?"

"I'm your conscience."

"WHAT?" Jillius stared, backing away slowly. "How can you possibly be my conscience! Consciences don't just appear out of nowhere!"

"Oh yeah? Well, let's not call me a _conscience_. Let's call me The Artful Salad Dodger for now."

"... Right." Jillius sweatdropped and continued staring. "So... Artful Salad Dodger, what do you want from me?"

"Join the dark side, Jillius," The Artful Salad Dodger purred. "Join the daaaaaaaaaark siiiiiiiiide."

"Um... no." The prince shook his head and walked off. "Too dark..."

And he disappeared from sight.

"So much for my cameo appearence." The Artful Salad Dodger muttered darkly, and flew off.

* * *

"Almost there." The prince climbed up the hill and looked. "Just one more road to cross and I'll be safe."

Ah, how wrong he was.

A taxi suddenly drew up in front of him, its windows all covered with black satin. As the prince watched in shock, the taxi driver popped his head out of the window, and shouted "Alright mate?" before pulling off all the satin.

Jillius's eyes widened.

"Oh my God," He screamed. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my _God_-"

* * *

"What's all that screaming out there?" The emperor asked from the palace gardens. Bagoo stood up and looked out briefly before coming back.

"Seems like some person's stripping."

"Tch."

* * *

"My eyes," Jillius was still screaming. "I'll never be able to look at another guy again..."

"You won't! Cause you won't be alive to see any!" The stripper ninja grinned and pulled out a sharp knife. Of course, Jillius being himself, he overcame the ninja easily. Only to be met by about ten more from the taxi.

Jillius did the only reasonable thing.

He jumped up on the taxi and grasped open the oil tank opening, and kicked it fiercely to dismantle the oil tank. He threw the oil over the assasins' heads, and with a small amount of his powers he set the whole thing on fire.

He ran all the way to the palace, shouting and screaming various abuse as the taxi and the crew burned behind him.

"My son!" The emperor came out of the gardens and stared at Jillius. "What is going on? Why is that taxi burning on the yonder hill?"

"Father! I've completed my mission!" Jillius gasped, and held out the still-unharmed milk carton. "_Le sacre du lait_, the holy milk itself, father! I've done as you wished!"

"The milk... Oh..." Understanding dawned on the emperor's face, and he suddenly looked embarassed. "_Mon Dieu_..."

"Is something wrong, father?"

"No, my son... the milk is perfectly fine..." He sighed. "Oh dear, how embarassing... I'll just tell you. You know that we live near Santal? Well, I remembered that they're devoted to us, so I walked over there and borrowed a jug of milk. I'm sorry to say that it was a- Jillius, are you alright? Oh my goodness, you've turned purple! No, you _are_ purple! I mean, you've turned blue! Oh heavens! Bagoo! Get a stretcher quick! Hang on there, my son! We'll save you! Jillius? _Jillius_-"

* * *

O.o

Wait for the Epilogue...


	6. The Epilogue

**Disclaimer:** Jillius-san and other Klonoa characters are property of Namco. I make no money from this, although I'd like to.

**Author's Note:** It's finally finished. Do enjoy, although it's very strange. Plus, I've kept my promise; THE EVIL PAPER AEROPLANES RETURN AGAIN. EEEEEEEEEE-(screeches)

Read on...

* * *

Another morning brightened.

Jillius woke to find himself in his own bed, several wounds dressed and bound up. There was a note lying on the bedside table. He picked it up and saw an unfamillar scrawl on the paper as he read what it said.

"Well... seven knife injuries, fifteen bruises, fractured shoulder, seventeen various cuts and burns, and an allergic reaction to lavender perfume." He murmured. "This doctor sure knows well. Who is it anyway?" He read the signature. "Doctor Medim? Ah yes, he's a fine doctor." He placed the note down again and sighed.

"At least I haven't got any broken bones. All those for a wasted carton of milk..." He reached over to the table again and poured himself a glass of milk.

"Not exactly wasted, though, I'll have it if father doesn't want it."

* * *

A few minutes later, Bagoo entered the room.

"Good morning, Prince Imperial."

"Don't. Call. Me. That."

"Yes, my prince." Bagoo continued blankly. "Your Highnes sent this to you." He put down a dish of cookies and two peanut butter sandwiches. "How are you feeling?"

"Reasonably okay." Jillius sank down and sighed softly. "When can I get out of here?"

"Three days. Doctor Medim came around and said you would be up quickly."

"Brilliant." Jillius nodded. "Dismissed."

"I'm just outside your door, my prince." With that, Bagoo closed the door and went out.

"I'll have the peanut butter sandwiches now, then-"

A paper aeroplane thwacked his head.

"OW! What the hell-"

Jillius grabbed the paper aeroplane and ducked as another flew over to his head, barely missing his eye. Muttering insults, he picked up the other one and opened the first aeroplane.

_Are you feeling better now, my son? You did your duties wonderfully. It was partly my fault, for I failed to inform you that I'd gotten the milk. Do not worry about it too much. Doctor says you'll be up soon, so I'm looking forward to that._

_Bagoo brought back a new knife. It's double-sided. Not in the way you might imagine, my son, but 'double sided' meaning that it only uses one side for spreading butter/jam/any other kind of spread. In which case, peanut butter and chocolate spread would never mix bodies again. Is it not brilliant?_

"You know, father... that sounds quite wrong." Jillius muttered as he opened the second envelope.

_Does the arrival of my letters surprise you that much, my prince? I'm hurt. Pray, do not use language like that._

_Tell you what, if you're not feeling too poorly, come downstairs. We need to get more of those knives as possible. They're just around the corner and can be bought cheaply, so it shouldn't really hurt you that much. You will go with a bodyguard this time._

"Another mission?" Jillius got up from the bed and started to put on his robes. After he'd done that, he picked out some more knives, daggers and shurikens, he headed towards the door.

Another aeroplane hit his head.

"What is it now.." Jillius muttered as he unfolded it. He read the paper.

Silence.

The prince stood there for a while, unable to fathom the meaning of one word on the paper.

_Nevermind._

Cursing, he dismantled all his weapons and stormed back to the bed, and ripped up all the paper aeroplanes.

He turned towards the window, and reaching out, picked up another aeroplane from the air.

_By the way, you lost one shuriken from the taxi fight. Be sure to go out and find it when you're better._

Jillius ripped up that one too with a very rude word, and chucked all the pieces out of the window like confetti. He then opened up all his drawers, and threw all the shurikens on the fire, repeatedly swearing violently, using words that were so vile they cannot be written here. After that, he strode back to his bed and shut the window with a bang.

"Nice one, Prince Imperial!" A ninja under the bed cheered.

Jillius twitched, and his hand unconciously grasped around the cookie dish.

"Oops." The assasin said.

* * *

It's done now! I'm over the moon with joy! T-T It would have been done quicker if not for the computer thing.

I'll be on holiday for a week or so, so don't expect much from me during that time. I'll be back with a new fanfic, I promise.

Oh, and to answer Dark Enchanter's question, some of you might have wondered what the final bodycount was. I'll show them to you.

First Chapter: One assasin died, from Jillius's antics during a particularly nasty dream. That's one.

Second Chapter: Three assasins also died from Jillius's actions during his dream. Another was killed during the cutlery darts match between Bagoo and the prince. That's five so far.

Third Chapter: One assasin died just before the evil paper aeroplanes attacked Jillius. Five Moos died by the prince's knife when the assault in the grocery store occurred. That's eleven.

Fourth Chapter: One assasin died when Jillius tried to get Rodney out of his skull. (BTW, When I say group, I usually mean fifteen.) So fifteen ninjas posing as holly bushes died. Fifteen assasins tried to run him over with a taxi, and burned to death. Fifteen assasins disguised as a pack of circus clowns and a hedge died. One kamikaze pilot and an orange tabby kit died during the kamikaze assault. Musica and Lephise both died of an allergic reaction to lavender perfume. That's sixty-one.

Fifth Chapter: Eleven ninjas died in a burning wreck of a taxi. That's seventy-two.

Epillogue: One ninja under the bed probably died. That's seventy-three in total.

Imagine that. Seventy-three people died for a carton of milk. What would have happened if Jillius had gone out for the double-sided knives? I can't imagine.

Hope you enjoyed the story, and have a nice day!

-Solitary Shadow-


End file.
